Friday, February 1, 2008
What the book is about...
A story about the period between relationships when a person evaluates why the past relationship failed, what went left unsaid - what didn't, and the fears and the baggage they carry with them to the next relationship.
Chapter One...
She hesitated.
Jonathan looked up at her, confused - still down on one knee. His face became red as his eyes darted to every eye in the crowded restaurant.
“No. I can’t,” she finally answered – still holding his hand looking at the ring and not into his eyes.
Jonathan whispered a partly audible, “What?” trying not to draw any more attention.
Ali didn’t respond. She sat silently in her chair.
Jonathan pulled himself clumsily back into his seat. He carefully placed the ring box back in his pocket. All eyes remained locked on the scene. Half on him. Half on her. Embarrassed for both.
Jonathan scanned the room until everyone finally decided to go about their business; although he still heard whispering.
I can’t believe she said “no”, - replayed in his mind after the third person around him commented the same.
His broken heart kept him from looking into her eyes; he didn’t know what to say or what to do. He wasn’t even sure if he could speak.
Ali shifted in her seat, unsettled by the awkward silence. They were miles from her apartment and had arrived in his car. She pondered asking the waiter call her for a taxi. A ten-minute drive with him would feel like an hour.
Jonathan finally broke the silence.
“You just destroyed the one thing I was sure about,” he stated flatly, almost too loud – thus catching the attention of the people nearby - again.
“I’m sorry,” she leaned forward. “I’m not ready.”
“Then why the comments every so often about getting married, finding a ring, raising a family, finding a place together? You said, this is what you want,” he replied feeling like a lawyer in a courtroom.
“Well, I think about those things – is all I was saying,” she replied in defense.
He paused to soak in her response.
“If I had I known you weren’t ready, I wouldn’t have proposed,” he stated.
“I’m sorry,” she paused, waiting for a response. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. She whispered another, “I’m sorry,” and leaned back in her chair, wiping away a tear.
Jonathan only shook his head in disbelief.
“What now?” she asked, her voice cracking.
“I don’t know. I’m too sick to my stomach to think of anything.”
“Wanna go?” she asked, her voice cracked.
“Of course I do!” his outburst even startled himself. He lowered his voice, “I need to be alone.”
“I said I’m sorry.” She reached across the table for his hand, to see if he would let her touch him.
He immediately pulled away, reaching for his wine and downed what little of it was left.
Ali leaned back. Her mind couldn’t imagine everything that could be going on in his.
He overheard one of the restaurant patrons ask another, “What do you think they talking about?” Jonathan’s eyes darted right to them and he saw the other shake their head. His face reddened again.
Jonathan replayed the events of the night in his head. They had a nice walk, caught a local play, and arrived for dinner just as he had planned, but he had never intended on her saying, ‘no’.
The waiter returned with more wine interrupting his thoughts, Jonathan had been holding his empty glass–staring off where he could keep an eye on the gossiping patrons. He quickly covered the top of his glass.
He knew that having another glass may actually calm his nerves, but he didn’t want his nerves calmed… he wanted to be angry! No, he needed to be angry. He didn’t feel like prolonging the hurt he knew was inevitable.
“No problem. Your dinner will be out shortly,” the waiter replied.
“Actually, I need to cancel my order. I lost my appetite,” Jonathan said, glaring at Ali.
The waiter looked back and forth between the couple, not quite understanding what was going on. Confused, he asked, “Very well, Sir. Miss?”
Ali didn’t respond.
“Miss?” the waiter asked again.
She shook her head, ‘no’, almost apologetically. “No, I’m not hungry anymore,” her voice faded.
Her eyes followed the waiter until he was out of hearing distance and looked directly at Jonathan, “I’m sor…” she started to plead.
“Stop. I don’t want to hear you say you’re sorry again.”
She nodded in understanding and held her hands up to assure him she was done apologizing.
“I’m simply confused,” he blurted out and took a drink of his water to clear his throat and figure the right words. “I thought this was what you wanted.” Jonathan pondered as to what might have been left unsaid or misunderstood.
Jonathan paid their bill and they left. Every eye in the restaurant escorted them out.
Walking out the door, Jonathan’s mind wandered again back to how the night had begun. It was a cool autumn night – they had already strolled through Elmwood Park. Their hands connected – him, working his proposal as they walked.
She had no idea.
But now the walk to the car was a formality lacking romance. Jonathan didn’t even bother to open her door. The ten-minute ride to her apartment was painfully quiet; neither was sure what to say and figured anything said might make things more tense between them. In seven short months, they had met and fallen in love. They were both out of college and on their way to “that next chapter in life”.
As he pulled into her apartment complex, his headlights put a spotlighted her bedroom window. Jonathan pulled into an empty stall and put the car in park but he didn’t bother to turn off the ignition or lights. He sat there in silence and waited patiently as best he could for her to get out. His routine was to get out and walk her to her door; she half expected to do it as much as he almost did so out of habit.
This night was different. Everything had changed by her, ‘no’ to spending life together. Doubts emerged and disbelief hung in the air.
The ring remained in his jacket pocket.
She reached over to touch his hand and he allowed it.
Ali looked at Jonathan, but didn’t speak – he was looking straightforward. She wanted him to look at her, but he didn’t.
He couldn’t.
She didn’t understand what was going through his mind, but knew him well enough to know he needed some time alone. She had already caused enough damage. However, she had to stay true to her readiness and now wished she’s kept her marriage comments to herself. It was hard for her to keep quiet when she seemed to lose count of how many friends of hers had married. Jealousy and envy had sunk in and overflowed aloud.
Knowing she hesitated when he asked frightened her as much as it surprised her.
Ali stepped out of the car.
“Jonathan?” she asked softly, trying to get him to look at her.
He wanted to look into her eyes, but couldn’t. After a long pause, he offered her the only words he could find, “Good night.”
“Good night,” she replied, wishing he had said more. Ali took a deep breath and closed the door.
She closed her eyes and said a quiet prayer.
There were too many things she had wanted to say, but she wasn’t able to find the right words at that moment. Ali slowly walked to her entrance, but turned around to see him quickly look away, and shift into reverse.
Hopefully, she would be able to explain. Hopefully, he would be ready to listen.
© Chad J. Bring
Jonathan looked up at her, confused - still down on one knee. His face became red as his eyes darted to every eye in the crowded restaurant.
“No. I can’t,” she finally answered – still holding his hand looking at the ring and not into his eyes.
Jonathan whispered a partly audible, “What?” trying not to draw any more attention.
Ali didn’t respond. She sat silently in her chair.
Jonathan pulled himself clumsily back into his seat. He carefully placed the ring box back in his pocket. All eyes remained locked on the scene. Half on him. Half on her. Embarrassed for both.
Jonathan scanned the room until everyone finally decided to go about their business; although he still heard whispering.
I can’t believe she said “no”, - replayed in his mind after the third person around him commented the same.
His broken heart kept him from looking into her eyes; he didn’t know what to say or what to do. He wasn’t even sure if he could speak.
Ali shifted in her seat, unsettled by the awkward silence. They were miles from her apartment and had arrived in his car. She pondered asking the waiter call her for a taxi. A ten-minute drive with him would feel like an hour.
Jonathan finally broke the silence.
“You just destroyed the one thing I was sure about,” he stated flatly, almost too loud – thus catching the attention of the people nearby - again.
“I’m sorry,” she leaned forward. “I’m not ready.”
“Then why the comments every so often about getting married, finding a ring, raising a family, finding a place together? You said, this is what you want,” he replied feeling like a lawyer in a courtroom.
“Well, I think about those things – is all I was saying,” she replied in defense.
He paused to soak in her response.
“If I had I known you weren’t ready, I wouldn’t have proposed,” he stated.
“I’m sorry,” she paused, waiting for a response. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. She whispered another, “I’m sorry,” and leaned back in her chair, wiping away a tear.
Jonathan only shook his head in disbelief.
“What now?” she asked, her voice cracking.
“I don’t know. I’m too sick to my stomach to think of anything.”
“Wanna go?” she asked, her voice cracked.
“Of course I do!” his outburst even startled himself. He lowered his voice, “I need to be alone.”
“I said I’m sorry.” She reached across the table for his hand, to see if he would let her touch him.
He immediately pulled away, reaching for his wine and downed what little of it was left.
Ali leaned back. Her mind couldn’t imagine everything that could be going on in his.
He overheard one of the restaurant patrons ask another, “What do you think they talking about?” Jonathan’s eyes darted right to them and he saw the other shake their head. His face reddened again.
Jonathan replayed the events of the night in his head. They had a nice walk, caught a local play, and arrived for dinner just as he had planned, but he had never intended on her saying, ‘no’.
The waiter returned with more wine interrupting his thoughts, Jonathan had been holding his empty glass–staring off where he could keep an eye on the gossiping patrons. He quickly covered the top of his glass.
He knew that having another glass may actually calm his nerves, but he didn’t want his nerves calmed… he wanted to be angry! No, he needed to be angry. He didn’t feel like prolonging the hurt he knew was inevitable.
“No problem. Your dinner will be out shortly,” the waiter replied.
“Actually, I need to cancel my order. I lost my appetite,” Jonathan said, glaring at Ali.
The waiter looked back and forth between the couple, not quite understanding what was going on. Confused, he asked, “Very well, Sir. Miss?”
Ali didn’t respond.
“Miss?” the waiter asked again.
She shook her head, ‘no’, almost apologetically. “No, I’m not hungry anymore,” her voice faded.
Her eyes followed the waiter until he was out of hearing distance and looked directly at Jonathan, “I’m sor…” she started to plead.
“Stop. I don’t want to hear you say you’re sorry again.”
She nodded in understanding and held her hands up to assure him she was done apologizing.
“I’m simply confused,” he blurted out and took a drink of his water to clear his throat and figure the right words. “I thought this was what you wanted.” Jonathan pondered as to what might have been left unsaid or misunderstood.
Jonathan paid their bill and they left. Every eye in the restaurant escorted them out.
Walking out the door, Jonathan’s mind wandered again back to how the night had begun. It was a cool autumn night – they had already strolled through Elmwood Park. Their hands connected – him, working his proposal as they walked.
She had no idea.
But now the walk to the car was a formality lacking romance. Jonathan didn’t even bother to open her door. The ten-minute ride to her apartment was painfully quiet; neither was sure what to say and figured anything said might make things more tense between them. In seven short months, they had met and fallen in love. They were both out of college and on their way to “that next chapter in life”.
As he pulled into her apartment complex, his headlights put a spotlighted her bedroom window. Jonathan pulled into an empty stall and put the car in park but he didn’t bother to turn off the ignition or lights. He sat there in silence and waited patiently as best he could for her to get out. His routine was to get out and walk her to her door; she half expected to do it as much as he almost did so out of habit.
This night was different. Everything had changed by her, ‘no’ to spending life together. Doubts emerged and disbelief hung in the air.
The ring remained in his jacket pocket.
She reached over to touch his hand and he allowed it.
Ali looked at Jonathan, but didn’t speak – he was looking straightforward. She wanted him to look at her, but he didn’t.
He couldn’t.
She didn’t understand what was going through his mind, but knew him well enough to know he needed some time alone. She had already caused enough damage. However, she had to stay true to her readiness and now wished she’s kept her marriage comments to herself. It was hard for her to keep quiet when she seemed to lose count of how many friends of hers had married. Jealousy and envy had sunk in and overflowed aloud.
Knowing she hesitated when he asked frightened her as much as it surprised her.
Ali stepped out of the car.
“Jonathan?” she asked softly, trying to get him to look at her.
He wanted to look into her eyes, but couldn’t. After a long pause, he offered her the only words he could find, “Good night.”
“Good night,” she replied, wishing he had said more. Ali took a deep breath and closed the door.
She closed her eyes and said a quiet prayer.
There were too many things she had wanted to say, but she wasn’t able to find the right words at that moment. Ali slowly walked to her entrance, but turned around to see him quickly look away, and shift into reverse.
Hopefully, she would be able to explain. Hopefully, he would be ready to listen.
© Chad J. Bring
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